![]() ![]() ![]() Some people are able to rebuild their connection with themselves, at least for the most part. Low, skewed self-esteem, toxic shame and guilt, anger issues, self-harm and poor self-care are only a few of them. This lack of self-connection creates a myriad of emotional, psychological, social, and even physical problems that can haunt people long into their adulthood. When a child experiences trauma, they are unable to resolve it so, as a survival tactic, they dissociate and eventually learn to repress and hide their unwanted thoughts, feelings, and needs self-erasure. However, the ignorance of or indifference to it doesnt change the tragic effects of it. Summary and Final WordsĬhildhood trauma is a complex and complicated thing that most people dont really understand yet. You can read more about it in a previous article titled A Brief Guide to Self-Harm and Unhealed Childhood Trauma. They still believe that they deserve the treatment they received as children. Self-attacking thoughts and destructive behaviorsįor people who dont understand the root of their self-loathing, it is incredibly difficult to overcome it because they always end up finding reasons why they should hate themselves or why theres no point in taking better care of themselves.Internalized anger that ends up becoming self-loathing manifests itself in poor self-care or even active self-harm. In contrast, inwardly directed anger results in self-destructive thinking and behavior. Outwardly directed, projected anger results in harming others and continues the cycle of abuse. Its called projected anger because, even though there may be some reason to feel angry, the anger the person feels as an adult in most of these situations is exaggerated and can be constituted as acting out ones early, unresolved anger for their primary traumatizers. Or, this repressed anger can be expressed outwardly in a psychologically safer environment against other people: towards ones spouse, children, coworkers, strangers, whole groups of people that is perceived as enemies, and so on. ![]() They have difficulties feeling and expressing anger even when its appropriate. When a person is disconnected from their anger towards their initial traumatizers, they tend to direct it inward and feel all kinds of unpleasant feelings related to it (self-loathing, shame, guilt, self-blame, self-attack, and many others). However, this anger has to go somewhere, and it can be directed in only two ways: inward and outward. Since children are usually forbidden from feeling anger towards their primary caregivers and other authority figures who mistreat them, they have to repress it. These now internalized feelings are one of the most common problems adults struggle with.Īnger is a natural and healthy response to being hurt by someone. Many children internalize their traumatizers words and actions and learn to blame themselves for their pain, rationalizing it as them being bad and therefore deserving to be hurt. Whether its the former, the latter, or a combination of both, the person never feels at peace with themselves, which ends up creating many personal and interpersonal problems. In short, people with a skewed self-esteem either underestimate themselves (Im not good enough, Im bad), or overestimate themselves (I know everything, Everyones stupid). Lacking a healthy connection with ones true emotions and not seeing yourself realistically warps a persons self-esteem.Įventually, youll develop the tendency to see yourself as lower than others, or to please everyone, or to never feel good enough, or to chronically seek validation, or to overcompensate and toxically compete and compulsively compare yourself to others. We will briefly address a few more common ones here. Many other problems stem from a severe lack of self-connection: skewed sense of self-esteem, self-blame and unjust responsibility, chronic shame, emptiness and lack of motivation, social anxiety, anger issues, and many others. ![]()
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